I’m going to just start posting all the stupid and sexist and emotionally childish things that I’ve had sent to me or said to me in the process of attempting to date again as a single woman with a startup and a young child. Mainly this is for all you ladies out there to know you’re not crazy – single men are really like this.
Conversation with userID “Show of Hands”
The backstory – he’s a single dad and he seemed cute but when I started talking to him over a 1-2 day period, he talked about not having a job he really loved, having a startup that ran events in local bars and so he’d work a lot of weekends and evenings, and he complained about how hard it was to be a single dad because women didn’t want to date him. On top of that, he lives about 45 minutes north of me and logistically, finding a place to meet in the middle was just a nightmare.
My experience is this means that a) our schedules will always conflict because I have to get my son to school early and get to work on my startup weekdays with weekends being the only real “downtime” for me, b) he was prone to blame others and not be accountable for his own choices, and c) he didn’t have the full pressures of being a single parent since his schedule clearly provided plenty of night and weekends in a bar instead of with his small children.
I very politely and sincerely told him I didn’t see this being the relationship I wanted and wished him success with finding someone who would appreciate him. I complimented him and said it wasn’t him, it was me and what I wanted. He didn’t take it well and defaulted to typical immature guy behavior of blaming the woman and trying to knock her off the pedestal he’s created:
Show of Hands: If you recall, what upset me last time was that you made some sort of judgment about me on things we had not discussed, which doesn’t make much sense and is pretty unfair. Running into you here, I was excited that you were willing to try again, but then this happened. You submitted a questionnaire of abstracts and hypotheticals with essentially zero context. Once again, no actual conversation took place about a single thing you say is important to you. It’s a shame because you seem so smart and lovely, but this is one of the must counterintuitive attempts at dating I’ve ever seen.
My Reply: I have stuck to facts based entirely on what I am looking for and what I know after my own past experiences to be the best type of relationship partner for me. I didn’t imply you were wrong for wanting what you want in a relationship but I have been very clear that it is not what I want. Whether you want to believe that or not is irrelevant to me but one thing is absolutely clear to me –
You are criticizing my methods with words like “shame”, “unfair”, “judgement” and “counterintuitive”. On top of that – you’ve demonstrated a clear lack of maturity that is borderline creeper. I have not once criticized you personally nor judged you for being a different person with different ways of doing things. But I have not been given the same courtesy from you. That alone is more than enough to wish to have nothing to do with you. Just because I don’t do things the way you want doesn’t make them critical or judgemental of your desired way.
Would you spend equal amounts of time on our first date debating my choice of chicken instead of fish because one is more to your liking than another? Would it be critical or judgemental of a person to say they don’t want to eat beef while you are ordering a steak? No, of course not! Nor is it critical or judgemental of me to say to you that you are not to my tastes the way I don’t have a taste for certain foods or music. I didn’t say you’re disgusting or bad tasting – I said I am not interested in having you for dinner.
Please leave me be and move on to find someone who better suits your personality. Try watching Tony Robbins, he’s on Youtube.